Get all 21 Goodbye Charlemagne releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of The Sensational Debut (60th Anniversary Stereo Edition), Christmastime in Outer Space, We Have Your Son, But Please Take Him Back, Messin' with the Monkey [Single Version], Party All Night (Until 10pm) [Single Version], The British Invasion: Part II, Glitz & Glamour, The Sensational Debut, and 13 more.
1. |
Coming to the stage...
01:47
|
|||
2. |
||||
|
I was 13 when I first saw Comedy Central
Premium Blend and old SNL
Friday nights I’d watch every half hour special
And thought someday I might be on that stage as well
Cut to college, I’m 19, yeah I’m a sophomore
In a sketch group that my friends and I had formed
Every night we’d write a million jokes and bits
While getting wasted in our dorm
Thought we would take the world by storm
God we were so fucking stupid
Yeah we were so fucking stupid yeah
Well we were young (we were young)
And we were dumb (we were dumb)
And we were oh so full of dreams (dreams)
And we were so fucking stupid
By junior year writing jokes was my obsession
I’d stay up late until my pen was out of ink
For the first time I felt like I had something special
Excited every day
Thought that would never go away
Man I was so fucking stupid
Yeah I was so fucking stupid yeah
Well I was young (I was young)
And I was dumb (I was dumb)
And I was positively covered in dreams (dreams)
And I was so fucking stupid
I had direction, I was really on fire
I thought that we’d be the greatest comedy group in the entire world
Yeah we were closer than any sisters or brothers
And half of us ended up dating half the others
We were always together
Just a goofy group of friends
Before I knew it, it would all come to an end
My senior year as graduation was approaching
No real plans for what I’d do after that
The only thing that gave me any sense of meaning
Was writing pages upon pages of sketches every evening
Second semester, a cold night in January
I went to a dive bar open mic
I got on stage and I did 5 minutes of stand up
And I knew right away that
This was really where it’s at
It felt inevitable
I’d be on Comedy Central
God that was so fucking stupid
Yeah that was absofuckly stupid yeah
When I was young (I was young)
And I was dumb (I was dumb)
And I was choking on a big load of dreams (dreams)
And I was so fucking stupid
I was so fucking stupid
I was so fucking stupid
I was so fucking stupid
I was so fucking stupid
I was so fucking stupid
I was so fucking stupid
I was so fucking stupid
I was so fucking stupid
(so fucking stupid)
I was so fucking stupid
(so fucking stupid)
I was so fucking stupid
(so fucking stupid)
I was so fucking stupid
(so fucking stupid)
I was so fucking stupid
(so fucking stupid)
I was so fucking stupid
(so fucking stupid)
|
||||
3. |
Moving to New York
02:18
|
|||
|
I’m going down to the Big Apple
See the lights on old Broadway
I’m gonna wave at Lady Liberty
She’ll blow me a kiss and send me on my way
I’m gonna live in a tiny apartment
Where I can barely afford the rent
I’m gonna work two jobs, and never sleep
Gonna achieve each and every dream I ever dreamt
I'm gonna spend hours riding on the Subway
Gonna stand clear of the closing doors
There’s nothing like sitting next to a puddle of vomit
And only being half sure that it's not yours
I’m gonna lose 10 to 20 pounds
Can’t afford 3 meals a day
But it’ll all be worth it, just you wait and see
Cause I’m gonna be famous someday
So kiss my ass New Hampshire
Cause by this time tomorrow
I’ll be moving to New York
To be a star!
You hear me world?!
That’s right kiss my ass New Hampshire
Yeah eat my shit New Hampshire
I’ll see you in Hell New Hampshire
And by this time tomorrow
I’ll be moving to New York
To be a star!
|
||||
4. |
You've Gotta Grind
03:14
|
|||
|
You’ve gotta grind, grind, grind
Get on stage every night
You’ve gotta grind, grind, grind
Every waking hour of your life
Every second that you waste
Someone’s ready to take your place
So you gotta grind, grind, grind, grind, grind
You’ve gotta grind, grind grind
You’ve gotta do three sets a night
You’ve gotta grind, grind, grind
Fifteen a week at least that’s right
Well if you wanna make it big
Getting booked for every gig
You gotta grind, grind, grind, grind, grind
Grind, grind, grind
Grind, grind, grind
Grind, grind, grind
You’ve gotta grind, grind, grind
Cause if you miss a single day
You’ve gotta grind, grind, grind
Well you can kiss your dreams away
There’s no shortcuts you can take
Your brow will sweat and your back will break
You’ve gotta grind, grind, grind, grind, grind
Grind, grind, grind
Grind, grind, grind
Grind, grind, grind
You’ve gotta grind, grind, grind
You’ve gotta hustle til the end
You’ve gotta grind, grind, grind
Forget your family and friends
Some day they’ll see your name in lights
You may be dead but that’s alright
You've gotta grind, grind, grind, grind, grind
|
||||
5. |
Tight Five
05:00
|
|||
|
Alright now people, you wanna learn how to write a solid set
Five minutes to show the world who you are?
Well let’s get started
Now when you first get on stage, you have to say something
That acknowledges the way you look
Something like: I know what you’re all thinking. This guy looks like if Paul Bunyan sold insurance.
Even though nobody was thinking that.
Tight Five
This is how you write a tight five
Tight five
This is how you write a tight five
Next up, you get to do a joke you wrote two years ago but you PRETEND it just happened.
“I was at a restaurant the other day”
No you were not. You’re a goddamn liar.
You were at that restaurant two years ago but the story wasn’t funny until the other day.
Tight Five
This is how you write a tight five
Tight five
This is how you write a tight five
Alright, now that you've gotten those jokes out of the way
You've got the audience on your side now
They trust you.
So that means that it’s time
To move into a little Political Commentary
This is the kind of comedy where you say something the audience already agrees with
So that they applaud.
“Hey you folks remember Benito Mussolini?
That guy sucked.”
Nailed it.
Tight Five
This is how you write a tight five
Tight five
This is how you write a tight five
Alright, I just got the light so it's time to wrap things up
And when you’re ready to end your set.
It’s important that you first say:
I’ll leave you with this.
That way the audience knows they're almost free to go home.
And the best way to end your set
Is with a callback
Because for some reason
People love it when you remind them of a thing you just said three minutes ago
So here we go! Big finish! I'll leave you with this!
I was at a restaurant the other day. (it was really 2 years ago)
And I saw Benito Mussolini, who sucks.
And when he saw me he said
"Hey, you look like if Paul Bunyan sold insurance"
That's my time, thank you very much everybody
Tight Five
This is how you write a tight five
Tight five
This is how you write a tight five
Tight Five
This is how you write a tight five
Tight five
This is how you write a tight five
Now once you have your tight five, you might get booked to do 10 minutes.
Or 15 minutes.
Or 30 minutes.
Or even an hour.
So how do you turn 5 minutes into a whole hour?
Easy
Crowd work!
Where you from? Haha I’ve heard of that place. Haha just kidding.
What do you do for a living? Hoo boy how’d you afford these seats?
Haha just kidding.
You two dating? Would you like to be? Haha just kidding.
Alright that's my time, everybody have a good night
Loose hour
This is how you write a loose hour
Loose hour
This is how you write a loose hour
Loose hour
This is how you write a loose hour
Loose hour
This is how you write a loose hour
Tight Five
This is how you write a tight five
Tight five
This is how you write a tight five
Tight Five
This is how you write a tight five
Tight five
This is how you write a tight five
|
||||
6. |
||||
|
Well come on now, folks, and listen to me
Gonna tell you all about the meritocracy
They say that hard work will help you to succeed
And earn your place among the aristocracy
And that may be true I’m not knocking hard work
But there’s an inconvenient truth that I’m here to report
I want you to remember this one anecdote
Although the cream always rises, sometimes shit floats.
Sometimes shit floats
Sometimes shit floats
Now you’re sailing down the river
In a doo doo boat
I’ll say it again
And you can feel free to quote
Although the cream always rises
Sometimes shit floats
Well you might get ahead if you work the most
But if also doesn’t hurt if your dad’s the CEO
Of a major corporation with industry ties
And every studio executive on speed dial
But that's just the way I guess it goes
Because although cream rises
Sometimes shit floats
Sometimes shit floats
Sometimes shit floats
Then you’re sailing down the river
In a doo doo boat
Heed the words
Of this song that I wrote
Although the cream always rises
Sometimes shit floats
So if you wanna talk about meritocracy
Please include just a smidge of honesty
And lets try to address the hypocrisy
Of telling everyone else that they’re just lazy
Some people got a head start in the race
They think they hit a home run but they were born on third base
So congrats on your success but maybe don’t brag or boast
Cause although cream rises
Sometimes shit floats
Sometimes shit floats
Sometimes shit floats
Now you’re sailing down the river
In a doo doo boat
I’ll say it again
Thanks for listening folks
Although the cream always rises
Sometimes shit floats
That’s right cream always rises
But sometimes shit floats
|
||||
7. |
Boys will be Boys
04:49
|
|||
|
She was a waitress at the Comedy Cave
Boys will be boys, boys will be boys
Slinging drinks and earning tips, three shows a day
Boys will be boys, boys will be boys
She was new to the city and had dreams of her own
Boys will be boys, boys will be boys
Her own hour special or five minutes on the Tonight Show
He was the biggest name in town, sold-out shows all around
Boys will be boys, boys will be boys
Asked her out for a drink after the club was closed down
Boys will be boys, boys will be boys
And when she woke up she was confused and ashamed
Boys will be boys, boys will be boys
She took the next bus out of town and never got on stage again
But you know what they say
Boys will be boys
Fellas will be fellas
Dudes will be dudes
Sorry don’t know what to tell ya
Guys will be guys
Ambitious go getters
Mans will be mans
And they don’t know any better
Boys will be boys
Boys will be boys
Boys will be boys will be boys
And every place he’d go
After every single show
It went just like that
It was his M.O.
But it was okay so
Long as the tickets sold
And the drinks did flow
So they all just let it go
Cause Boys will be boys
Cause Boys will be boys
Until 20 years later he was working the road
Boys will be boys, boys will be boys
He could do no wrong, people called him the GOAT
Boys will be boys, boys will be boys
No matter where or when every house was packed
Boys will be boys, boys will be boys
And he always had some local young lady be his opening act
But one night he messed with the wrong girl
Boys will be boys, boys will be boys
And she vowed to bring down his entire world
Boys will be boys, boys will be boys
She found evidence and witnesses from near and far
Boys will be boys, boys will be boys
And that waitress testified and got to see him locked up behind bars
But it's like they say
Boys will be boys
Fellas will be fellas
Dudes will be dudes
Sorry don’t know what to tell ya
Guys will be guys
They were aiders and abetters
Mans will be mans
And they don’t know any better
Boys will be boys
Boys will be boys
Boys will be boys
Boys will be boys will be boys
|
||||
8. |
Funny at the Office
03:54
|
|||
|
My first job in New York City
Was at the front desk of a Psychiatric Practice
I answered phones in a windowless room
All for $15 bucks an hour before taxes
I once got yelled at for being too sad on the job
Guess I bummed out the mentally disturbed
They’d say I thought you were a comedian
Why don’t we see more of that funny at work?
But I always roll my eyes at the guy
Who's funny at the office
Just trying to hide the fact
That I’m dying inside
I’m sorry but I can’t
Be funny at the office
I’m just trying my best to keep
This boiling rage buried deep down inside
Well I got fired from that job
For being a bummer to be around
And also I was objectively bad at my job
That actually makes more sense now that I’ve said it out loud
My next job was doing customer service
Where my boss was some overpaid exec
When they found out I did stand up
They said you’re not as funny as we’d expect
And it’s because I roll my eyes at the guy
Who's funny at the office
Just trying to hide the fact
That I’m dying inside
I’m sorry but I can’t
Be funny at the office
I’m just trying my best to keep
This boiling rage buried deep down inside
I think my hatred was reasonable
And not at all petty you see
The guy just quotes Judd Apatow movies
He has no artistic integrity
He isn’t burdened by the weight
Of trying to make it
He’s not living a double life
And people seem to like him
Yeah they think he’s really cool
He’s not that quiet, creepy, weirdo
Who never looks you in the eye
And his anxiety levels aren’t so high
Which makes it easy for him to get outside of his head
Maybe I don’t really hate him I just hate myself instead
Wow what a breakthrough…
So that’s why I roll my eyes at the guy
Who's funny at the office
Just trying to hide the fact
That I’m dying inside
I’m sorry but I can’t
Be funny at the office
I’m just trying my best to keep
This boiling rage buried deep down inside
A volcano of rage erupting deep down inside
A raging fury of rage is raging deep down inside
|
||||
9. |
Timmy and Tyler
03:56
|
|||
|
Timmy was the darling of the comedy scene
He played all over the city in 2013
But it wasn’t enough, he wanted to go far
He would pay any price to become a star
Now he’s getting mean
And he’s getting loud
Started pandering to a more right wing crowd
He sold his soul just to get more clicks
Podcast downloads, and youtube hits
Free speech is what it’s all about
Wish he’d use that freedom to shut his mouth
Oh, Timmy
Tyler was the most unique performer in town
A true creative genius with talent abound
But when he didn’t make it big he got bitter as hell
And switched to a product that's easier to sell
Now he’s anti-woke
Just wants to own the libs
A little baby screaming in his crib
He shook the devil’s hand right then
For the fame he felt was owed to him
Yells about free speech at every club
Wish he’d use that freedom to shut up
Oh, Tyler
Now every comic gets stuck in a rut
And many flirt with the thought of the same short cut
But it ain’t worth the price, no the cost is too high
Can’t put the genie back once you let him outside
Sure the money rolls in
But the next thing you know
You’ve got an alt-right militia at every show
Cause when everything is said and done
The laughs are for the wrong reason
You think you’re up there spitting truths
Well Carlin’s rolling in his tomb
You think you are the next Bill Hicks
You missed his point you stupid dick
If you think you’re the next Richard Pryor
Go ahead and light yourself on fire
Go ahead, light yourself on fire
Go ahead, light yourself on fire
Go ahead, light yourself on fire
Go ahead, light yourself on fire
|
||||
10. |
No Clearer Sign
04:42
|
|||
|
In 2020 I was 10 years in
Been doing stand up for a decade by then
But don’t you know
I didn’t have much to show for it
I could feel myself running out of steam
Thinking maybe it’s time to give up on the dream
And I asked for a sign
That it was quitting time
And wouldn’t you know that’s when the Pandemic hit
And there’s no
No clearer sign than that
No there’s no
No clearer sign
That it may be time
For this cowboy to hang up his hat
Well I’m not sure if you remember but the world was shocked
Like the hand of god reached down and pressed pause on the clock
But after a few fortnights
I felt the urge to write something again
I thought I’d get on stage sometime that year
And God said hey moron was I not clear
I’m gonna say it again
This time maybe take the hint
Read the room, the world needs stand up like a hole in the head
And there’s no
No clearer sign than that
No there’s no
No clearer sign
That it may be time
For this cowboy to hang up his hat
His boots and his badge
There’s a time to every purpose
And this was certainly not the time
And the 2020 election was gearing up
All I wanted was to stay in bed and wait around to die
Oh but 2021, maybe that’ll be my year
It’s for sure got to be better than the last one
I turned on the news on January 6th
And saw the rioters attempt an insurrection
And there’s no
No clearer sign than that
No there’s no
No clearer sign
That it may be time
For this cowboy to hang up his hat
His boots and his badge
And now Russia’s starting World War III on top of all that
And there’s no
No clearer sign than that
|
||||
11. |
||||
|
You’ve gotta treat it like a job and quit
When you know that it’s time to leave
Ain’t no shame in walking away
When the juice ain’t worth the squeeze
You followed your dreams
And although you may not
Have succeeded, you know
At least you gave it a shot
Yeah you gave it your all,
But now it’s time to admit
You’ve gotta treat it like a job and quit
Don’t need to give no two week notice
Don’t need to formally resign
Just pull the plug, and close up shop
And walk away with your head held high
Don’t need to train my replacement
Don’t need no exit interview
No unused vacation days or 401k’s
Just point me to the door and I’ll bid you adieu
So treat it like a job and quit
It’s not a real job anyway
They don’t give you any benefits
And it almost, rarely, never pays
This toxic work environment
Is shockingly
Full of nazis and rapists allegedly
Don't owe no explanations
When you’re through with it
You just treat it like a job and quit
You just treat it like a job and quit
You just treat it like a job and quit
Alright now I’ll leave you with this
That’s right you treat it
Like a job
And quit
|
||||
Goodbye Charlemagne New York, New York
Failed comedian. Failing musician.
The artist currently known as Goodbye
Charlemagne.
Guitars: Ricketts Parnassass
Keys: Dakota Boulevard
Bass: Dimo Rodrigo
Drums: Flora Lewpinsky
Additional instruments and vocals provided by Kevin Froleiks for tax purposes
... more
Goodbye Charlemagne recommends:
Fantastic arrangements, catchy melodies, incredible album.
go to album
Gary Wilson: Another Lonely Night In Brooklyn
by Tredici Bacci
Gary Wilson is an icon of diy/outsider music. His album “You Think You Really Know Me” is the stuff of legend. This live recording adds a massive 13 piece backing band to his iconic songs.
go to album
With Love...From Me To You
by Todd
Very sincere love songs by a sad little high school boy that could have been me in another lifetime.
go to albumIf you like Goodbye Charlemagne, you may also like:
Noir & Jazz & Dark & Slow...
by NEONNOONE
supported by 32 fans who also own “I'll Leave You With This”
Lynchian vibes, all around.
go to album
supported by 30 fans who also own “I'll Leave You With This”
Merci Déhà for the download code. Lots of bands use these ingredients – pretty female vocals over doomy guitars always sounds good, but usually that's where the ideas run out. That isn't the case here. Each song is packed with ideas and evolutions, genres and references it's boring to list but not at all to listen to. A pleasure to have been introduced to this.
go to album
Breezy acoustic pop from Dunedin, “Caprice” floats feathery vocals over sunny guitars and keys.
go to album
