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Cool Kids​/​Lame Kids

from Homemade Nonsense by Goodbye Charlemagne

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about

A song for everyone who's ever had the parent of a nightmare child ask you when you're going to have kids.

lyrics

How come it’s never people with the cool kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids
It’s always people with the lame kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids

I saw a friend at the grocery store
With a toddler and a baby in tow
The baby wouldn’t stop screaming
And the toddler dumped some paint on the floor

Which I thought was interesting
Because we weren’t at a store that sold paint
My friend asked if we were ready for kids
I said after today no we ain’t

It’s never people with the cool kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids
It’s always people with the lame kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids

I was sitting in my office on a Thursday afternoon
When a 5 year old came up to my desk
I thought it must belong to one of my coworkers
Must be take your kid to work day I guess

Well the kid just stood and stared without blinking
With one finger digging deep up her nose
That’s when her dad asked if I wanted kids someday
I said No while she wiped boogers on my clothes

It’s never people with the cool kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids
It’s always people with the lame kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids

Some people say kids make their lives better
They say that family holds society together
But every time they say it it sounds like a lie
They can never seem to look at you straight in the eyes
They’re starting to crack, they haven’t slept in nights
They’re a prisoner in their own home and they’re dying inside

Dying inside
Dying inside
Dying, dying
Dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead

My mom and dad wanna be grandparents
They keep asking what’s taking so long
It’s kinda weird that my parents keep asking
When my wife and I are gonna get it on

I told them I don’t know if we’ll have kids
‘Cause I’m afraid of how they’ll turn out to be
And plus look at what a mess I am
After the two of you parented me

It’s never people with the cool kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids
It’s always people with the lame kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids

It’s never people with the cool kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids
It’s always people with the lame kids
Who ask you when you’re gonna have kids

credits

from Homemade Nonsense, released January 7, 2022
All music and lyrics written and performed by Kevin Froleiks

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Goodbye Charlemagne New York, New York

Failed comedian. Failing musician.

The artist currently known as Goodbye Charlemagne.

Guitars: Ricketts Parnassass

Keys: Dakota Boulevard

Bass: Dimo Rodrigo

Drums: Flora Lewpinsky

Additional instruments and vocals provided by Kevin Froleiks for tax purposes
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